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2004-05-12 - 12:53 a.m.

I want to know when I turned into the badguy. Just in general.

Fact: I am arrogant and elitist. In many ways, baselessly so.

Fact: I enjoy this far too much.

Fact: I am flawed.

Fact: I admit that sometimes, and deal with it instead of letting it drag my life down.

Change is good. Flexibility is good. And that's as disparaging as I'm going to get. Because it's not that easy.

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I don't know how I deal with people at all anymore. The people I care about, i end up pissing off, whether it's via showing that care or not showing that care. My old friends, I'm drifting from due to distance or personality shifts. New friends, I have trouble making out of shyness. Everyone ever, I have trouble opening up to.

My spirituality only gives me so many answers, and in such vague and fragmented ways that I don't know what's what anymore.

All I can trust is myself. And sometimes I think that's all I'm going to be left with.

Played this role, and my youth's run out. This is the first time in 3 1/2 years I may need a hug.

Tsuduku, in chapter the next.

 

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